Adam Dachshund lived golf. Sand traps and water hazards haunted his dreams. His spiritual life was so singularly devoted to this game that he played every day rain or shine and was subsequently struck by a lightning bolt. The morning after, he woke up and experienced an epiphany. On that fateful morn Adam Dachshund became enlightened in the ways of golf, he achieved golf nirvana. No longer would he confuse a five iron with a seven iron, no longer would he fall victim to those malevolent sand traps, and no longer would he need to drive a golf cart in a civilized fashion. If any opponent should beat him by even one par, he wouldn’t hesitate to crash his cart into theirs. If he had to drive from Washington DC to Arlington Virginia, he wouldn’t hesitate to drive his golf cart. If he needed to use the horse bucket, he wouldn’t hesitate to use his golf cart to find a decent one. Adam Dachshund was a free man now, free from the confines of modern golf. From now on he would careen at high speeds around the course in clown pants wielding something other than regulation standard.
I am working on a comedic story and I am espcially proud of this paragraph.